Can a Guy be modest?

This morning I was watching a video that a lady shared about girls’ modesty on the way they dress. I really appreciate and not just me but most of the guys that want to live a godly life when a lady decides to dress in a modest way to help us men!

One day I was talking to a lady that is like my big sister and she asked me, 

-"What do we girls need to do or not to do to help you guys?" 

The question got into my mind and stood there for a couple of days. She also mentioned that she was taking care of her clothes and even her make up, and guys kept on bothering her, the only way out for her was not to talk or not to be where those dudes were more than necessary, even if they could think she was being rude.

So I thought "Well she is doing as much as she can to help us guys not to get into sinful thoughts, and yet guys keep on falling". I asked myself “if she’s doing all this what’s going on? Why is it not working?” A thought hit my brain so hard I had to sit down! 

We have to be committed first! 

That is one of the reasons why we cannot conquer lust, and it is because we are not committed to be a victor!!! We haven't decided to really live in purity!!! I've been trying to find any information videos or audios that would tell me how to conquer this part of lustful thoughts instead of just blaming everything on the ladies, and the only thing that I've found are thousands videos all over the internet about how girls should dress, Oh My Word! but what about us? what do we need to do? Actually is the 100%! We guys have to do the 100% of the work and not try to divide responsibility between each party because if we just start making the other party responsible of our own work, then every time a girl does not dress in a "proper" way we would be condemned to sin, without any chance of victory. NO! When God said you are more than a conqueror through Him that loves you, HE MEANT IT! we are putting ourselves as victims when we first should recognize that we are sinning against God then against those ladies that we see in a lustful way. We have to change the way we see ladies in a 180º way! It is not their fault if we lust after them, it is our own FAULT!

Everywhere we go we will find a girl that is not dressed modestly, some sensual advertisement, or any kind of temptation, and if we sin and lust after it we cannot blame it on it/them, we are not forced to sin by them, we CHOOSE TO SIN!

We have to realize that first of all the one that we are sinning against is towards God, then we have to get things straight with Him.

My precious Mom was teaching me this week of how I can be able to receive the strength, grace, wisdom and intelligence that the Lord wants to give me so that I won’t look the ladies in an inappropriate way. (of course we can use these things in so many other ways, but since we are talking about modesty I'm going to use this application in this matter) So my Mom asked me, how could you my son be able to get all this power from God?

And I LOVE my mom cause she has this amazing ability to ask questions that will keep me thinking over and over and that will make me to go and look for the answer in the Scriptures, praying, or giving up and asking her for the answer =D.

Knowing this, while I was on my quiet time with the Lord, He showed me this:  

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples" (John 15:7-8).

GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! the Lord told me how!

Have you ever had that feeling when you know the Lord is trying to give you something, but you can only see a small part of it so you go and look for it deeper and deeper? It is like you’re watching the part of the treasure above the sand but you cannot get it out unless you bring the proper tools. I was like -“ I see it, I can’t see the whole thing though, but it is right there, let me get a shovel.” So you run backwards and don’t want to take your eyes off the treasure or you might lose it, or to check that no one gets there before you do. That was me right there, so you know how I was feeling.

Ok here I am, hands-on work. First I went to get the part that was above the surface. The first thing that I needed to do was to abide in Him, but that was it the rest was under the sand so I had to jump and start digging to get the treasure out, so I went really quick and looked up the word “abide” it read: Endure without changing while being in the same place, state or condition despite of the circumstances.  

The more I was digging out the more amazed I was. When I was admiring the treasure in my hands God asked me a question, He said –“How good could someone hear or listen to another person when he/she is abiding, or is really close to that person?” Well I thought to myself –“the closer that person is, the better will hear/listen. But if I am abiding it will be like I am part of Him and He is part of me, WOOOOW!   Then it hit me right in the face, by abiding in Him, He is going to give me His words, His grace and His love so that I could use them as guidelines not only on how to act towards ladies but for everything else!

Then I will be able to ask for His grace, wisdom, strength etc. to fight, conquer temptations and HE WILL GRANT IT! and also not to live just as His disciple but as His DEAR SON! 

After finding all this I was laying on my bed all blown away, He said this –“I am not done with you.” (you see, when I say that God says stuff it is not like I can hear His audible voice, this is something deeper, even more personal, it’s like He is talking to my spirit, it is hard to put it in words so our natural brain can understand it, but its amazing all the ways, thoughts and insights that God will use to speak to you. Open your heart cleanse your spirit through His word and ask Him questions, you’ll be blown away. Then share with me what He told you. Hopefully we will talk more about this in another post).

 “If this is what you have to do so I could grant your prayers, what is the reason why I don’t answer most of your prayers?” and again he kept me thinking for a while, why do we ask and not receive? I fell asleep with this amazing feeling inside of all the information I had just received and also trying to understand why we most of the time do not receive. 

The very next morning while doing my devotions I was going through the book of Hebrews, I was supposed to finish it and go on my normal day, but I could not help it and kept reading the book of James. Alter reading the first 3 chapters I was being very blessed, but what I read in chapter 4 almost killed me haha, not quite but it was so accurate to what I was asking God that blew me away!

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures" James 4:3.

I do not receive because instead of asking for the good of others and advance God’s Kingdom to earth I just want to indulge and please myself, and most of the times if not all, these are sinful pleasures I want to meet. The Lord was very clear on what He wanted me to focus on. It was no longer me but He in and through me.

Now I knew how to ask to God, first I needed to have the Lord’s Words in me and live according to them, then everything that I’d ask will be according to His Standards, Therefore, if I am abiding in Him and His words in me I no longer will be asking what I wish, it will be actually what He wishes. and it will be done for me and you if you do the same! 

Going back to our fist subject of modesty. I have seen so many families and lives destroyed because the guy that became the father and husband did not conquer lust and put under control his human desires. I am so grateful for the mighty, amazing, strong, wise and PURE, man that the Lord gave to me as my father. He has conquered and forgiven so much that every day of my life I want to be more like him because he is a lot like Jesus (I love you Daddy).

This is why one of the biggest longings of my heart is to live a life of purity and Holiness for God and then (if the Lord wants me to get married) for my wife, That's one of the things that I've been praying about, and I know that the Lord has been answering it so far, because He's been giving me some steps to take.

1^st. We are the ones (not the ladies) that have to be the rescuers, the conquerors!

If we live in purity and in Holiness, then our good behavior towards girls will come naturally.

 I’ve been doing some research about the matter because I do really want to be a rescuer. I know, I know, we also have to take care the way we dress, I'm a skinny guy and sometimes I have problems finding a good shirt size without being too tight or too saggy, my Dad told me that the way I dress should make everybody that looks at me should glorify God not me, so I just get clothes that fit me and that's it.

On my research I've found that we Men and ladies are so different and that we guys are more visual than they are, WAAYY MOOREE! (I'm not excusing the guys or myself, we should dress modestly too, but the ladies don't struggle that much with that, as we do!)

What could we use to compare with a woman dressed in an inappropriate way? For the ladies coud be the "romantic stuff" it is like for us guys to see a woman's body!

If we come dressed very conservative but yet we come talking to a girl about her eyes, about how beautiful she looks in that "non-provocative dress" or that she won’t need anything by being by our side, that we will rescue her from her terrible and sad life and we'll take her to live in a palace. Now let’s pretend that I'm saying this to her with a deep but not so deep nice voice while looking her  at the ayes and ... well you get the point. We are going to end up doing the same as if they were dressing provocatively, they want to feel secure for the rest of their lives.

My dad raised me teaching me all the time to be a gentleman with all the ladies no matter what, once I was having kind of a little fight with my sister and I didn't answer in a good way, and my dad saw the whole thing, he said 

-"Hey champ, I know she has talking so loud and with rude words… but she could be killing you and you should still treat her as a queen!” 

His words are in my heart ever since, but sometimes the line between a gentleman and flirting gets very blurry for some ladies, and guys too!

Once I was talking with a very wise man and he said, 

-"Look Nate,  there's this girl that is saying so many good things about you, and I think she likes you, you are not doing anything wrong but you being a gentleman with her makes her feel special. So, still be nice with her but understand her problem and take the proper steps."

When he was saying that, I was like –“what in the world are these proper steps?”

When I was pondering about it that night the words of my "big sister" came to my mind, “how could we help you guys? By doing or not doing certain stuff?" I was like woooa, I needed to change the way I was being with this lady, because even though I wasn't doing something wrong, the message she was receiving was not the right one. 

Sometimes we need to stop doing stuff or walk away the way my "big sister did" and not to spend time more than necessary with that person, or if we don't even need to spend time with that person, then just don't spend time with that person at all, that simple! There are also conversations that a young man and a young lady can't have. There is a fine line that gets blurry very easily, and there are simple words that we could say that will make any girl get the wrong idea and you can be sure that on the long run we will end up hurting her.

We should not say “I love you” or use that kid of tender/romantic vocabulary because we will get so comfortable saying it that we will be acting in the romantic way to that lady, we will be doing to them something as if a girl was dressed very provocatively in front of us. If we do not want to struggle with our thoughts and actions by being in front of a lady dressed immodestly, we should not talk to a lady in a way that will make her struggle with her thoughts or actions because a we are talking to her immodestly. 

We might not see it, but this is actually a disrespectful behavior to any woman. We are gentlemen, we are kind, but that doesn’t mean we have to act immodestly to any lady. That kind of vocabulary and conversations are only to take place in MARRIAGE otherwise we will be stirring up in her feelings that we are not ready or willing to meet in that moment.

  We men are the conquerors, we are the ones that have to take the first step, not wait for them to do it. WE HAVE TO DO IT!!! If you have been already having conversations like that to a lady, it is a good time right now to MAN UP, Honor God, honor her parents and respect her.

Remember that our responsibility is to do the right thing (even if they are killing us) because it is what the Lord demands form us, and not to blame other person for what we should be doing.

Sometimes they will think that we are being kind of rude, but you know what? I'll rather have her to think that I'm rude and not to think that I was leading her on and then letting her down, or to make her sin in some way, and end up hurting her very bad.

Please don't get me wrong i'm not saying that you should go and punch them or be rude with them, but sometimes when we stop being the way we were, they are going to feel that something is wrong, most of them are going to take it the good way but if one doesn't, keep in mind  that its more important what God says than what ladies or anybody else could say about us, remember that EVERYTHING you do, you do it for God (because He requires that from you), and secondly for the welfare of this lady, not for you!!

We men don't have to "love" them with lust but really love them with the love of God, (lust can't wait to receive, love can wait, even to give).  So we must care/love them and decide to lose our good/gentleman-like reputation before them, than to make them built expectations about us or lust after us in some way.

Ladies that dress modestly are mocked and made fun by other people, but those brave women are in their way to be a Proverbs 31 like woman, if they are doing this for God and for us men, then we can do that for God and as a consequence to them, LETS BECOME MEN AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART!

Let’s keep on conquering giants!

with the perfect love that only comes from Christ

-Nate

One of my drawings! =)

Instagram: @natt1610